Author: Autumn
•7/02/2008 07:12:00 AM
So yesterday. Yeah. Let me just say that for me, it was a mental and emotional (as much as I hate that word) HELL. An explanation to follow.

I've been in Omaha for several months now, temporarily staying with my parents. I finally decided it was time to leave, and things progressed to a point where I was deciding between moving to Pennsylvania or Utah.

Utah's pull: A job. I was in the process of applying/interviewing for a job where I would actually use my degree. I do have friends I love there, but the job was really the only reason I would move there. I really do not like Utah as a residence. That is not to diminish it's attraction in the eyes of others. I mean no offense, but I am just not a Utah kind of gal.

Pennsylvania's pull: I can't really explain that. I mean, one of my favorite people in the world lives there, and I love the East Coast, but there is also something ... intangible that is just drawing me there.

A couple weeks ago, I found out I did not get the job in Utah. They decided not to hire anyone new at all. That was fine with me. There is always disappointment if you get turned down for a job, but my heart was fully set on Pennsylvania already. So I gave my jobs notice, and my plans progressed from there.

Then yesterday happened. I had been all happy and excited to be moving, and only just a little anxious. Tomorrow is my last day at both of my jobs, and then I'm gone. But while I was at work, I got a call.

It was that Utah job. Someone was quitting, and they offered me the position. I asked for a couple days to think about. Then I proceeded to spend the next seven hours agonizing over what to do. I did my work of course, but all I could think about was what I was going to do.

It was the ultimate battle between heart and mind. Utah made more sense of course. I don't have a job lined up in Penn, and this would break me into my chosen field. Everything in my head said Utah. But every last inch of the rest of me screamed not to go to Utah. I couldn't stomach the idea.

I got off work and headed home, when I got a call. It was the Utah job. Apparently after telling this guy to hire me, his editor turned around and offered it to someone he already knew without telling this guy. So he retracted the offer.

Are you saying, "Are you freaking kidding me?!" right about now. That is what I yelled aloud in my car (with a choice replacement for freaking) when I hung up. I wasn't mad at the guy. I felt sorry for him, but I am not a fan of his editor at all.

If they had any inkling of what they put me through during those seven-ish hours ... man. I got so keyed up; it took me quite a while to calm down. I was just so frustrated and shocked and a million other things. I still am. I know this is a good thing in a way. It doesn't sound like it would have been the most reliable job, and now I am back to happily moving to Pennsylvania. But still ... aaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhh.
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On July 2, 2008 at 9:26 AM , The Smaellies said...

Why is it that such a small amount of time can cause you so much grief?!?!?! It really does sound terrible! But it also sounds like you can now move to Pennsylvania without feeling like you were possible missing out on another opportunity! Good luck with the move and the job search!

On July 2, 2008 at 10:01 AM , Katie said...

I'm sorry, my friend. It is never fun to not know what to do and be confused and to just go back and forth and back and forth in your mind about something over and over. I hate it. I'm glad your excited about your move to Penn. Are you going to live near Steph? Good luck with everything. I hope you find a job soon.