Author: Autumn
•4/20/2011 07:47:00 PM
Now why on earth is a single lady who has often stated her lack of interest in marriage writing about how to get married? Good question. I do not know how to get myself married. I do not want to know. However, I am well versed in getting other people married.

First, let me be clear that just because it does not interest me especially does not mean I have anything against marriage as a concept. I think it is great for other people; I am very happy for all of my friends and family who have gotten married. I would love it if everyone were allowed to get married.

Now then, do you want to know how to get married? Get ready. All you have to do is move in with me. It is that simple. I guarantee that within 3-6 months you will be engaged.

I am sure you are skeptical, so let us take a look at my success rate. It is at 100% when I live with just one other person. In college I had five roommates at a time, so it lessened my powers, but I would say 60% of them got engaged while living with me. Many followed shortly after, and they all followed eventually. I am pretty sure that at this point, EVERY SINGLE PERSON I HAVE EVER LIVED WITH HAS GOTTEN MARRIED (family excluded).

I call it my curse, though the others involved might see it otherwise. I did not pay it any attention in college. When you go to a Mormon university, having a semester pass without at least one person in your apartment getting engaged would be strange indeed. It was after I graduated and it kept happening that I realized I was the common denominator.

Now one could argue that I just make bad decisions about whom to live with by picking women who are in relationships, but I do not care to argue that point. I am cursed, and that is that. If you want to take advantage of it, just give me a call. Maybe I should start charging ...
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